i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
