I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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