He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
