The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
