I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
