when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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