I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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