Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
