She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
