He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
