bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
