its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize