Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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