And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
