I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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