I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
