i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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