I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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