I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I think I died a long time ago.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i wish my penis had a tongue
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
