So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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