you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
