So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize