Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
