Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
