Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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