She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
