I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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