Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
