Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
