you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
