So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
well you can't waste a boner
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
