Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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