We named our party play list daddy issues
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
