so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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