I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
