This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
