I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
