alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
