i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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