look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
