what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize