Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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