she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
