My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
