Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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