They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
