I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
