When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
