Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
