I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
