I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
