Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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