when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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