I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
