Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
