First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
its not stalking. its research.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
