I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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