I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
