"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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