Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't deserve a penis
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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