Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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