Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You have to summon your inner elephant
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
