I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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