420 ftw
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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