Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Terrible idea I love it
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
